living without answers

How do you learn to live without answers?

What have you sought and not found answers to?

My son died of listeria, I don't know what gave it to him. I never will. Going through a pregnancy without the means to prevent it is going to be complicated. Up until the 12 w mark I haven't been worried coz it'd just be another miscarriage if I lost the baby but after that I know it's gonna start weighing on my mind a bit.

I think living without answers is the hardest thing to heal and process from. Even the most hardest things to cope with, gaining understanding and knowledge is crucial in the dealing with it and moving through.

There are certain things in a past abusive relationship that i dont know what is truth or lies that if i think about it can still affect me nearly ten years on. I have dealt with it as best as i can by going by the facts that i have and the information i can trust, and then turned all my focus on myself and the healing i needed, and accepting what i can not control. It's been painful at times as i sometimes think i NEED TO KNOW and without it how can i come to peace with it all.

I have found that facing those unanswered fears, slowly has helped me to release the hold the unknowable has had on me. Finding trust in myself that i will be ok with what ever comes next in my life.

So i guess acceptance in the things i will never know and trust in me and my healing and my future capacity to be ok with what ever comes my way has helped in dealing with the non answered questions.

Although now talking about it i am not so sure

Big hugs Nut. Pregnancy "afterwards" is so hard isn't it?
Kids going crazy, more later.
xx

Thanx J OMG you're so right

Ikwym N! My x cheated on me with my best friend and I never knew when it started or if they slept together before I left him, and that was an unbearable unanswered question for a long time! I got used to not knowing and moved on to a place where I didn't CARE anymore. At that point my imaginary answers changed from "they probably didn't" to "of course they bloody did" But I couldn't care less now ... which is probably why I'm able to honestly give myself the most plausible conclusion.

With the babies it's not that simple I don't think, or maybe it is but it hasn't been that long yet.

I believe everything happens for a reason and yes I have questions (especially with Connors birth) I would love answers too. I believe that they all happen for a reason to help us grow etc. If I put myself in that frame of mind it helps me let them go iykwim.

I think you have to get to the space where you have to let them go it is quite easy but before then you cant which is so hard. It says in my (man this is hard to admit on a public forum) in my Overeater Anonymous book that if its something that you need to release to help you 'heal' you pray about it and I am not talking about praying like at a church or whatever. You pray to your higher power. Mine is actually a light that is above my head. Its not a 'god' as such (even though I do believe in God) its my idea of someone/something. Anyway I 'pray' (myway) for 21 days and I have found that it helps me release whatever it that binds me/ makes me angry/whatever with this person or thing. What do I pray well I have only really prayed for people and I ask my higher power to give them everthing I am after Love, Happiness, wealth, friendship, (the list of course goes on and on) and honest to god it has worked for me... I have very deap resentments that stick to me for a very long time especially when people hurt me.

I so dont know if this will help you or anyone but I feel that is what helps me so I thought I would share.

Thanx Ang, that's a good perspective to put on it. I don't pray to a god, for I do pray to a goddess sometimes. I might give that one a go! Praying for clarity is an excellent idea!

No probs mate happy to help....